I’ve wanted to be a vet as long as I can remember, and like many of us, it’s a huge part of my personal identity. When I was really struggling with feeling burnt out a couple of years ago, it was part of the reason I felt in such a quandary about potentially leaving practice.  I knew that I would still be a vet, regardless of whether I moved away from clinical practice, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to completely remove myself from the mildly unrealistic James Herriot ideal that I’d built for myself as a teenager. Thankfully, I managed to find a way to become passionate again about my job after a few months - just in time to get married, get pregnant and find that yet again my identity was going to be challenged in the form of a career break and maternity leave.

Now don’t get me wrong - I have always wanted to be a mum, and I was absolutely ecstatic to be expecting. However, I didn’t expect the clash of feelings that built as my due date approached. I always assumed that I would breeze off for my lovely “break” without a second thought for work, so the sudden sadness of leaving behind my clients, patients and colleagues that hit every time I said goodbye (albeit temporarily) was a bit of a shock. I started to realise that maybe some of this wasn’t just the obvious fact that I was going to miss the people and animals I spent most of my week with, but the deeper implications for the change in my personal identity over the coming months. It caused a fair few chuckles amongst close family and colleagues as I started a variety of projects in the week or two leading up to the birth, ranging from embroidery to learning British Sign Language, as I struggled to relax before the chaos hit!

Now I’m 8 weeks post partum, and 10 weeks since my last day at work, and my relationship with being a full time mum varies depending on the day. There is an overwhelming joy, and the surprise that the day seems to be very full, despite the fact I’m not completely sure what I’ve done each day. I haven’t completely managed to let go of my work persona - my little boy has already attended his first clinical governance meeting (he cried through the neutering audit discussion, but allowed a colleague to cuddle him whilst we debated lungworm prophylaxis) - but I am starting to slowly feel comfortable with taking the time to enjoy my baby without pushing to still do something “vetty”. That being said, that might be because I’ve swiftly realised that being a parent shares many similarities with the day job; I’m often covered in bodily fluids, I’m very good at juggling stuff whilst holding onto a wriggling 5kg creature and I won’t turn my nose up at a cold cup of tea!

I’m sure that my relationship with being a vet will continue to change over the coming months, as I grow into this whole new identity of parent, but I can only see this as a good thing. I know there will be transferable skills I can bring back to clinical practice (I’m hoping I’ll finally know how to talk to clients’ children during the half term vet visits!), but  it has also shown me that there is so much more to being a vet if I do ever decide to diversify in the future. In the meantime, I’m going to make the most of being “nap trapped” with Netflix and planning how I’m going to entertain my boy when we attend London Vet Show in November!